Moving Day

1 11 2009

I have a new site, so make sure you update your RSS reader to

http://rachelofcourse.com/

See you there!





Last Night at the VMAs

14 09 2009

What happened to Taylor Swift last night was absolutely dreadful and mortifying – her first VMA win should not have panned out like that. But in a way, I’m happy that someone took the attention off of Lady Gaga; she was trying far too hard.





New Name, New Identity

8 09 2009

I’ve been using helsinkiwinner in one form or another since high school. It’s from a line from a JJ72 song called October Swimmer. I loved that band, and that song back in the day, so I used the term as my email address for years.

When it came to creating a Twitter account and blog, it seemed to be the default. The thing is, I am growing to hate it. I really serves no meaning any more since the band broke up, and I’m not listening to indie rock music any more.

I already know I want to create a brand new blog that is far more focused than this one, so I will need a new name/URL. I also want to create a new Twitter user name that is more reflective of me and who I am.

So what’s the problem? I have no idea where to start. I’ve never had a nickname and my name is far too long for it to even be considered a user name.

I have a lot of thinking to do, because I really want to steer clear of this when people Google my user name.





What am I Reading?

8 09 2009

Since I have had a couple of Travis’ books sitting on my TV stand for the past I-don’t-know-how-many-months, I’m going to kick off the first day of school (even though I’ve been out of school for well over a year) by picking up a book.

First on my reading list, How to Get Ideas by Jack Foster.

Let me know what you’re reading. I’d love suggestions of some good and must-reads too!





Starting Anew…again

10 08 2009

Starting tomorrow there will be no more Starbucks, no more Tim Hortons and no more buying lunch.

I just had to scrounge around for money tonight and cashed in all the American money I had left over from my trip to Florida.

What makes matters worse is that I have no idea if I’m going to have a job come September. When I went to the mall to cash in my U.S. funds, I picked up the employment listing from Customer Service. Yeah, I’m getting that desperate.





Missing: Friends

6 08 2009

*Please note that this blog is way beyond emo, so apologies if you want to go sit in the corner and cry after reading it.

I’ve been wanting to write this for a really long time, but have always stopped myself before getting to this point. It wasn’t until recently that I admitted to myself, aloud, that I don’t have many friends. Very few actually. I used to have a lot, more than counting on two hands worth, back in high school and early days of university, but a moment in time changed everything.

Having the same friends as a significant other is probably a terrible idea, take it from me. When what’s-his-face and I broke up, not only did he disappear from my life, but all my friends left with him. I told myself that it was just a long distance thing, I was away at university and doing post grad, and they were back home, hanging out together. As time passed by, the connection between my friends and I diminished, and I found myself sitting home alone on weekends doing absolutely nothing.

I’m not lamenting the loss of that relationship, good riddance to bad rubbish I say, but rather the loss of my friendships. It’s fine and dandy to say, yeah, let’s hang out sometime soon, but the follow through is never there. When I think about all the great times we had, I become genuinely upset. Facebook is all seeing and all knowing, so when my old friends hang out, I know, even when I don’t want to. Seeing friends make plans, talk about all the fun they have had really gets to me sometimes.

Before I met Travis, I would literally sit in my room doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Alone. All weekend. Moping around the house. Hearing my mother say that I used to have so many friends really turned the serrated blade deeper into my heart.

It is especially hard now to get together with some people, some are in long term relationships or living away from the area. Working full time also doesn’t help the situation either, but then again, here I am making up excuses for everyone, including myself. I know I’m responsible for at least 50% of this problem, I’ll admit that, but the other 50, well, you know.

I was always the quiet friend, the wallflower, and never really interested in going to bars or clubs. I grew out of that phase very quickly after a semester of binging less than favourable things after what’s-his-face and I broke up for the last time in third year. It was a quick and easy way to get over the breakup, but while friends were still partying into second term and fourth year, I was locked in my room, trying with all my power to graduate with a stellar final mark.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends whom I do see on a regular basis (if you’re reading this, you know who you are), but grieving the loss of old friends just has to be done. Maybe things will change, but probably never will.

Sometimes I think about planning my wedding and am really unsure that if I were to invite all of my old friends, would any actually show up? What about a bridal shower, would they want to come to that? A baby shower? (obviously later down the road.)

I have no idea what I’m getting at with this, I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest and write it down somewhere since I have closed my LJ account. The future isn’t too clear, but I know that my friends, despite being so far away most of the time, will always hold a special place in my heart.





Confessions

5 08 2009

This weekend, I confessed to Travis that I really like Taylor Swift’s music and that I would totally go to one of her concerts. He called my bluff.

I’m just happy to get that information off my chest.